Teenage JOHN CUSACK survives REINDEER-SUIT-WEARING MOM’s boiled bacon and multiple suicide attempts, and teeters on his skis on the precipice of the ski resort’s most difficult slope.
(with a noose around his neck)
How can life get worse? My EX-GIRLFRIEND of six months dumped me and now I have to race her ski jerk boyfriend!
The FRENCH FOREIGN EXCHANGE CUTIE manages to escape her host family – the SOCIALLY AWKWARD SON and his OVERBEARING MOM – and skis up next to JOHN CUSACK.
FRENCH FOREIGN EXCHANGE CUTIE
Just go down the slope really fast. If something gets in your way, move.
The NEWSBOY chases a one-ski-wearing JOHN CUSACK down the slope on his bike.
I want my two dollars!
JOHN CUSACK wins the race and his EX-GIRLFRIEND’s adoration, but he drives off with the FRENCH FOREIGN EXCHANGE CUTIE in the Camaro she helped him pimp out and they win a race against the ASIAN DRAG RACERS. Fin.